Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.
On Saturday afternoon — out of nowhere, apropos of nothing — my son, 15, marched into the living room, where my wife and I were sitting on the couch, and said, “Having children is immoral and unethical and selfish.”
I was taken aback. It was like he had walked into the room and punched us in the face, but it was just words, so it felt worse. I do not expect my children to be grateful that we had them, and I had to think that, yes, our choice to have children was completely selfish. We thought we want to have kids because it would be fulfilling and fun and exciting. We did not think about the impact that having children would have on them. And now one of them was kinda mad at us for giving him birth. We were too stunned to speak. He ate up the silence. “Is there any non-selfish reason why you had me?” I could not think of one.
As the question lingered in the air, I thought what is he really trying to say and what’s the deeper meaning behind what he’s expressing here? I asked him if he felt depressed, and he said no. (I know that’s not a sufficient test, but we see him every day and we don’t think he’s depressed.) I asked him if he felt like life was not worth living. He said he was not suicidal if that’s what I meant, but, he added, “The pain of existence is greater than the pleasure I would miss if I was never born.” I was not prepared for this level of conversation on a Saturday afternoon, but I pressed on.
I said, “You know…” but he interrupted me. He said, the world is doomed, and I think it was really selfish of you to bring me into a doomed world.” Uh, OK.
This kid is someone who likes to shock, so I don’t always know if he’s saying something for shock value. Does he really believe that or is he trying to…
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