Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.
I never thought I could learn something about masculinity from a trans man but then I did. I mean, I always thought trans men were new to being men so what could they know about being a man that I didn’t already know? But I was wrong — being new in any space means you have fresh eyes on it that may allow you to notice things that others will have grown accustomed to. Also, someone who has transitioned may have a perspective on masculinity that I would never think of. I say that to say, a trans man helped me see something about masculinity.
A video came up on my TikTok showing a man in tears. His name is James, and his video, which he also posted on Instagram, went super viral. James is a trans man, and he goes by @thetranscoach on TikTok and IG. “Nobody told me how lonely being a man is,” James said. “I had closer friendships with random women I met in the bathroom before I transitioned at clubs because of how open women are than I have had in my eight years of transitioning.”
Damn. As soon as I heard that I remembered that I too am lonely. Lots of men are lonely nowadays. A 2021 survey found less than half of men are satisfied with their friendships, and only 1 in 5 got emotional support from a friend in the previous week, while 4 in 10 women got that same sort of support. I thought about reaching out to James to say it’s OK, but then another voice said I shouldn’t. He should struggle with what it means to be a man just like the rest of us, which is, perhaps, part of his point.
I have been lonely for so long that I forgot about it. I’m used to it. I don’t like it. It impacts me quite deeply. I feel it when I want to share but I feel like I have no one I can talk to. This is where I feel the prison of masculinity impacts me the most…
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