Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.
I live in a house with several children, which means that over the course of any day, there might be cries, yells, accusations, fights, etc. What that also means is that the words, “I’m sorry” are uttered frequently. We’ve taught our kids (as most parents have I’d imagine) that saying “I’m sorry” is usually the solution for doing something wrong, and if you are the wronged party, being told “I’m sorry” should end the situation. We also try to explain to them, so that they may understand for future interactions, why they did wrong and why it is important to apologize and mean it.
As it turns out (at least in my experience), for most kids, an apology really is the end all be all of non-physical (and sometimes even physical) clashes. Something goes awry, an apology happens and then they all get back to the activity at hand. All parties understand the assignment. In fact, “I’m sorry” on one end often comes with an “It’s OK” on the other. Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Kids might not always mean it, but they know it’s what you have to do and thus they do it because it becomes a habit. Plus, it ensures the parents don’t get involved or only get involved minimally and everybody gets to go about their day. It’s about … peace.
That understandable exchange between kids and their desire for peace makes me wonder just why (and how) it becomes so hard to apologize to people as an adult. To be clear, I’m including myself in this mix, as well. While I always try to do better, I’ve definitely felt myself struggling at times to apologize when I know I’ve done something wrong. I don’t know if it’s because I’m worried about leverage or concerned that I’ll look weak or maybe it’s because I feel like an apology won’t be accepted. Or maybe because I want to mean…
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