As we mark another Valentine’s Day this year, intimacy is naturally on many people’s minds. For those in relationships, there is often a lot of pressure to have a meaningful, love-filled day. For those who are single, it can be a reminder of what they don’t have. But if you want to achieve greater intimacy with a partner, you have to start with yourself. At least, that’s the advice of renowned pleasure enthusiast Penda N’diaye.
During a recent chat with theGrio, N’diaye, founder of Pro Hoe (a sexual wellness platform) and a forthcoming sex toy brand, said “intimacy,” roughly defined as a close familiarity or friendship, can’t fully be explored with others until one understands how to be intimate with oneself.
“Intimacy is a beautiful way to come into yourself and reevaluate what really makes you feel good,” N’diaye said, adding, “I think sometimes we forget that intimacy is a human emotion and physical thing that we all participate in.”
N’diaye noted intimacy varies from person to person. For some, intimacy could be as simple as having a cup of tea in the morning. For others, it could be binge-watching Netflix with someone, taking a nice hot bath, or even self-pleasure. She also said it’s not always about what others can do for you but rather what you can do for yourself.
“It’s really about where you find yourself being the most vulnerable and opening yourself to just experiencing good feelings and good vibes all around,” she said.
Isolating what makes you feel good or what intimacy looks like for you, said N’diaye, makes it easier for you to communicate that to others. However, discovering what makes you feel good also requires figuring out what might be holding you back. N’diaye said for members of the Black community, it’s common for there to be a lot of shame around intimacy and pleasure rooted in familial expectations, religion, or even…
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