This story mentions sexual violence. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.
“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” star Mariska Hargitay is sharing her story about when she was raped in her 30s.
Hargitay, 59, said a man she considered to be a friend raped her in an essay she wrote published in People on Jan. 10.
“It wasn’t sexual at all. It was dominance and control. Overpowering control,” she wrote. “He was a friend. Then he wasn’t. I tried all the ways I knew to get out of it. I tried to make jokes, to be charming, to set a boundary, to reason, to say no. He grabbed me by the arms and held me down. I was terrified.”
Hargitay said her body went into “freeze mode” during the encounter. Research shows that freezing during an assault is a common, involuntary neurobiological response that occurs in animals, as well, and can prevent a victim from fighting back.
“I didn’t want it to escalate to violence. I now know it was already sexual violence, but I was afraid he would become physically violent,” she said. “I checked out of my body.”
Hargitay said she could not process or believe what had happened, and that she removed it from the narrative of her life.
“I now have so much empathy for the part of me that made that choice because that part got me through it,” she wrote. “It never happened. Now I honor that part: I did what I had to do to survive.”
As Hargitay portrayed detective Olivia Benson on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit,” she founded Joyful Heart, an organization with a mission to heal, educate and empower survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse. She said her work with the organization helped her “see what healing could look like.”
She referenced previous speeches where she had said she was not a survivor herself: “I wasn’t being untruthful; it wasn’t how I thought of myself.”
Hargitay wrote that she occasionally shared details of what the man…
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